Work has lost its intrigue and fascination. I can barely converse with my beloved as I once did. Could he really be a deceiver? Mirth is gone… I have no appetite for food…Oh Lord what do I do? who do I talk to? My whole world is crashing and I have to appear like all is going well.
There is rush to mobilize some tools and my table is full… I guess I have to compartmentalize and get some work done. I set out building them tools…. Finally, its time to head home. I hit the bed at 11pm and here comes my sis. we go over the conversation that i dislike…. what’s wrong dear?…nothing. But my sis is pretty perceptive, I can barely keep a thing from her. So the dams burst and the torrent of tears come flowing…. I dunno what is wrong with the pastor, in fact I am certain he is a fake minister of the gospel….probably one with some demonic spirit masquerading a believer.. My sis stares in wonder. She rebukes me for speaking ill of the minister and says to me…marriage is for a lifetime Didi. You cannot afford to make a mistake. God loves you and is speaking to direct you. No matter what pain you feel now, it will not be compared to the constant pain of a bad marriage. God knows people inside-out…he sees them for who they really are and sometimes it may be different from what we know. I am trying to make sense of what she is saying but I know Esit, I know him, he cannot be a deceiver. Sis gives me a good night hug and insists I have dinner but I just can’t.
Its 10pm on the next day and I am sitting on my bed in my room alone staring into space… I truly didn’t hear her walk in…. she’s been standing and watching me for a while. Sis says Didi, you can’t go on this way.. you have to get yourself together. she sits by me and holds my hand and then she talks of Pastor Borer, a family friend. This isn’t a good time to speak to me about pastors, I have had enough of them. She insists that I speak to him and maybe ask him to pray along with me.
I nod in agreement partly because I am too weak to have a disagreement…not really had any food…my body aches…My heart is sharing its pain with other parts of the body I guess.
I couldn’t go to work the next day…funny how the body follows the mind… I stopped over to see Pastor Borer on my way to the clinic. A bit of chit-chatting and then he says to me… Esit is not your husband! let him go. He is a deceiver and I tell you he will go far enough to perform the rites but he will not marry you. I went on and on about how it was not possible for that to happen. I told him that Esit is a committed believer and that I know him,,,And then he ask me…. Can you tell what is going on in my heart right now? I said nope.. He said exactly…..you can only know what I choose to show to you…but the Lord knoweth all things.
It was fast becoming an argument, so I kept quiet. He then said to me..I feel led to share some stories with you. He told me of how his pastors advised him not to marry a certain woman whom he was engaged to…and that after so much pain and reluctance he let go. The lady went on and married another but died a couple of years later during child birth. He said as he stood in the burial ceremony and watched the husband perform the last respects…He heard God audibly.. God said to him… This could have been you and this was the reason I did not approve of your choice. She had a mark of a short life span and you would never have recovered from the pain of loosing her. Your life and ministry would have crumbled after this. He said in shock, he asked those around him if they had heard anything, but no one but him heard… He wept in so much that people wondered at his relationship with the deceased.
He went on to tell me about his younger brother…about the time he was had broken off his relationship with the deceased his younger brother visited with the lady he intended to marry. Immediately they crossed she walked in, he heard God audibly speak to him…saying warn him …tell your brother not to marry the Lady. He gave them both a warm welcome and at a later schedule, he spoke to his brother about the instruction he had received from God. His brother refused to heed and went on to marry the lady…one month after the wedding, the Lady took ill… they traveled from city to city in search of cure but found none. his brother spent his entire income and savings on his wife’s health and about a year after she passed on. Then he said to me, sometimes its not the person, its the family or his future or just that your destinies do not match… it is not our part to ask God why…being led by him is privilege enough. He asked me to pray about it and make a wise decision. I cannot remember how I staggered out of his office and got to the clinic…
The walls were closing in on me…..
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.